Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Female Body Baby

This week the feminine side of my body had a baby.

The were no complications and the baby is fine and seems to be confident about itself already. Luckily, the female side of myself is a very paternal person. So she did all the right pre-natal things. Which always helps.

It seems to me it is really good to have a child out of awareness. Well, at least out of public awareness. I think it is much better to do it in private. behind the scenes. Inside yourself - sub-conciously in fact.

Especially if it's your first. I mean, I feel really relaxed and peaceful about it, which probably wouldnt be the case if I'd had a live baby, or one on the outside of my body. T saves an awful lot of hassles. for a start, you dont have to agonize over a name. In fact, you dont even have to name it at all. It can just 'be'.

This is an advantage to any fresho because they dont have to "grow' into their names. they dont have to imagine what they would look like if they were to look like their names and get all distorted and hitched up trying to become what their name symbolises.

Which is what people do. People become their names. Their personalities grow around their signatures. Of course it's all subliminal, but it's as if the person trains itself to the attributes of it's handwriting regardless of whether this is natural for it or not.

This can create havoc in parts of of the person; can cause great crimes of violence, or just minor things like blurred vision and sinusitis.

Which is why I've decided not to give the child a name. in fact, i didnt really have on at all. Only a subliminal one.

Saturday, April 01, 2006


Do you think it would be a good idea if I grafted my personality onto your body ? Or would vice versa be better ?

Because, I think it is the only way that we are ever going to be able to meld into the community with any degree of correctness.

I mean, how can either of us possibly blend in with the culture with any amount of authenticity if we dont do something about the purity of our genders ? It just wont do to get about the place displaying our classifications for all to see. It's asking for trouble. I mean really !

Jeez. It would save and awfull lot of mess. Perhaps we could do a straight swap with our native peculiarisms ?

The again, I suppose it all end up fairly disasterously. I mean, if we did come to some kind of an arrangement where by you handed over your femaleness to me, and I handed over my male to you, how would we be ablt to tell that the other hadnt hoaxed the exchange; therby getting the whole spectrum of humanness whilst the other has to stagger forth with none?

Yes. It would be a tough one. Sure, you could act like me whenever I was around, then go back to being yourself when I wasnt, or I could act like you when you were around, then like me when you were'nt, but one or the other of us could be left standing about with absolutely no personality at all.

Or. if this was not the case, how could you make sure we handed over our genders intact ? You know, it could be very tempting to only hand over the parts of yourself that you wanted to be rid of.

Where would that leave me? A male with bits of manic female tacked all over his person!

How could you do this to me ?

Stress Fractures

Today, whilst lying in a daze on my bed, I looked up and noticed that my bedroom window had developed a concave aspect.

Not only this , but I also noticed that the putty around it had started to develop stress fractures. There can be only one explanation : Social Pressures.

Let me explain the way I'm thinking: The window in my bedroom is not just a window. It is a looking glass out of which I view the world. It is through it I draw my conclusions and conjure up my Nomadic Mental Philosophies about the strange seeting mass of little throw-away packets that is the Twentieth Century.

But, this is only one of the paranoia, because the window is two-way, the world can see me as well. So the window is actually the interface between, or the cutting edge, between me and the rest of everything.

Is this why the window is stressing out so badly? Have I projected so much of my need for understaning onto it that it is now cracking up ? Af as it's concerened, it is probably just a normal piece of glass with bit of wood around it, but it might know I think it is some kind of Symbolic Looking Glass and it is getting tense about it.

I really cant work it all out though. I mean surely if I was distorting, it would be drawn away from me, not toward me. That cant be it. There must be another theory. Atheory behind the theory.

Now what would that theory be ? Let me think. Aha! Yes. I think I have a handle on the second theory: I think the glass window is becoming concave because it wants to trick me into thinking it is buckling under social pressure.

Now why would it want me to think that? There must be a third theory. A theory that not only explains the second, but also the first. I know: the glass window is trying to trick me into thinking it is bending under the force of Social Pressure so that I will get up and open it. Now why would it want me to do that ? There must be a fourth theory, one that explains everything.

Yes: I think the local Security Company has been reading the newspaper to the window so that it starts to crack up, thereby influencing me to open the window. I think they will then break in, mess up the house then await for me to ring them and buy their services.

Well, why the hell dont they just drop a leaflet in the mail like everybody else ?

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Apple Addict

Today I saw an insipid Yellow Apple Core moaning, " I am going to die", flaked out at the side of the road.

No. It wasn't okay. It even had sickly orange ruts all over its person where someone or others teeth had been scraping at it. What are you supposed to do about it though ?

I'm no expert on apple cores or how to remedy them , which is terrible as I did feel enormously sorry for it. I didnt know where to begin helping it back to fullsome life. I mean, it was just sitting there with death written all over it in this eerie yellow ink.

But to tell you the truth, the real reason it worries me is that I am an Apple Addict and it brought me face to face with my own destructive behaviour.

This is why I am taking myself off to get Certified. Yes. I am going to put on a pair of cordeuroy trousers and a stripey jumper with sleeves that are much too long and then I shall lurch down the road and sign up. I'll keep my hands in my pockets and look to the bottom left all the way. It'll take ages to get there because I'll be struggling with my ravenous addiction and the fetid vision all the way.

Yes. After today I just cant go on with it. No. My conscience will be gnawing on itself until I get it Certified.

I might even wear a beanie when I go. Do you think that would make me look like a Struggling Apple Addict ?

Monday, March 20, 2006

Inner Paranoid Schizophrenic

Yes - the Inner Paranoid Schizophrenic is born...

Inner Mind Fish

The original painting - now in ether-space ......

Aboriginal Dreaming

This week the Aboriginal Dreaming got into my dreams and I had a terrible night's sleep.

I dont know what the hell it thought it was doing. I mean, heck, did I really need a Serpent crashing about in my mind/brain system ? I've got enough dreams of my own without it licking it's way into them.

What really miffs me though, is that I have no idea as to why it thought I would be interested in dreaming about the Dreaming. My dreams are quite complex enough without contrary myths sliding about in them.

I mean, it wasnt even in the right culture. I wanted to be dreaming about what I wanted to be dreaming about and was just about to get into some good stuff, when this great Spotted Serpent came slobbering along.

Well, it goes without saying that all the actors in my dream took one look, forgot all about what they were supposed to be doing for my Psychedelic Wellbeing and ran back into the mists of my sub-conciousness. I ask ya !

So there I was , left with this great enormous Aboriginal Symbol slithering about in my mind/brain system. Not exactly a suitable companion when one is in need of a curative night's sleep. I got out of bed feeling about 999. And I was supposed to be at the introverts club by 10am, but I was too tired to make it.

And....the people at the Introverts Club rang me to make sure I hadnt gotten too withdrawn to come, or that I was lost in some really good piece of introspection and had lost all concern for externals.

So I told them about this wretched Serpent that had somehow strayed into me. "Well, how did it get in ? " they all asked. Well, I told them, I could only imagine it was probably really only the size of a tiny baby worm and wriggled up a nostril or other; but what about the terror-ridden night I had ?

Yes. Small it may have been, but still, it was functional. And what if the Aboriginals find out that I have their Serpent in my head ? They might claim me as an Aboriginal Artefact, or peg my head out as a sacred site. Can you imagine the stress I've been under, worrying about this ? And you cant even get a Stress Pie Chart for this particular life pressure !

So I hope it dosent come back. In fact, one night this week I am going to try to have a dream involving a truch load of cement. And I will make sure there is a passenger on the truck looking our for the serpents hole.

Yes. When he sees the Serpent's Hole, I will get the passenger to force the truck off the road and into the hole, so that when the cement dries the Serpent will be blocked out.

If I cant find a Cement Truck Diver, could you please try to employ one in a dream, then wake up before he has a chance to disintegrate and I'll rush over and coax him up my nose with a Tonka.

Savvy ?

Laughing Smiling Faces

This week I saw precious few Laughing Smiling Faces.

They really are becoming a rarity. Collectors items. Museum pieces.

In fact, I think it could be very lucrative to collect any you see.

No. Don’t stress out. I’m not suggesting you go pull them off heads or anything. The idea I have mindfully formulated involves simply running up to the Laughing Smiling Face, very quickly tossing a swab of plaster of Paris over it, waiting for it to dry, pulling it quickly off, then running.

Then when you get it safely home, you can colour in your Laughing Smiling Face with bright crayons and there you will have it. A joy to behold.

I’m sure there would be a hungry market for them. Especially since people are getting so down about what goes on TV. Come to think of it, that could be the best place to start marketing them ! Get the newsreader to wear one while he’s describing the day’s tragedies.

Offer him shares in the company or something. I’m sure he’d be in on it. You could even get them to flash the postal address of Laughing Smiling Faces Inc. on the bottom of the screen.

You may even be able to arrange a deal with the reporters. You know. If they get some heinously disadvantaged scene a bit earlier than usual, they could quickly hand out Laughing Smiling Faces to all the woefully woebegone ones.

There would be a cluster of benefits to be enjoyed by society if this happened. For a start, the news would appear to be not quite what it is. It could even take on a pleasant mood of merriment; perhaps even serene bliss. Who’s to say it won’t start to glow with Goonism?

This could stimulate the viewing population’s interest in laughing and smiling and they may then proceed to order their masks from you by the hysteric load.

A word of warning before you set off: if too many people begin to actually laugh and smile, the demand for the masks could quickly decline.

Now I’m not trying to suggest you organize some gross news item to snap every one of it; but a word about it nonetheless: if happiness unwittingly becomes commonplace because of these masks, if joy is to be our lot, and as such, singing in happy groups becomes impossible to resist, then let me suggest it would be wise to get your news people to unveil something macabre often enough to mute things.

Just get them to leave their Laughing Smiling Faces off until objective truth asserts itself again, then whack em’ back on.

This gentle backward and forward motion of brainwashing and disillusionment of the public will take a little time to master, but I’m sure you’ve got what it takes.

But first you must catch your Laughing Smiling Face.

I wish you luck.

Ps. I want half the profits.