Monday, March 20, 2006

Laughing Smiling Faces

This week I saw precious few Laughing Smiling Faces.

They really are becoming a rarity. Collectors items. Museum pieces.

In fact, I think it could be very lucrative to collect any you see.

No. Don’t stress out. I’m not suggesting you go pull them off heads or anything. The idea I have mindfully formulated involves simply running up to the Laughing Smiling Face, very quickly tossing a swab of plaster of Paris over it, waiting for it to dry, pulling it quickly off, then running.

Then when you get it safely home, you can colour in your Laughing Smiling Face with bright crayons and there you will have it. A joy to behold.

I’m sure there would be a hungry market for them. Especially since people are getting so down about what goes on TV. Come to think of it, that could be the best place to start marketing them ! Get the newsreader to wear one while he’s describing the day’s tragedies.

Offer him shares in the company or something. I’m sure he’d be in on it. You could even get them to flash the postal address of Laughing Smiling Faces Inc. on the bottom of the screen.

You may even be able to arrange a deal with the reporters. You know. If they get some heinously disadvantaged scene a bit earlier than usual, they could quickly hand out Laughing Smiling Faces to all the woefully woebegone ones.

There would be a cluster of benefits to be enjoyed by society if this happened. For a start, the news would appear to be not quite what it is. It could even take on a pleasant mood of merriment; perhaps even serene bliss. Who’s to say it won’t start to glow with Goonism?

This could stimulate the viewing population’s interest in laughing and smiling and they may then proceed to order their masks from you by the hysteric load.

A word of warning before you set off: if too many people begin to actually laugh and smile, the demand for the masks could quickly decline.

Now I’m not trying to suggest you organize some gross news item to snap every one of it; but a word about it nonetheless: if happiness unwittingly becomes commonplace because of these masks, if joy is to be our lot, and as such, singing in happy groups becomes impossible to resist, then let me suggest it would be wise to get your news people to unveil something macabre often enough to mute things.

Just get them to leave their Laughing Smiling Faces off until objective truth asserts itself again, then whack em’ back on.

This gentle backward and forward motion of brainwashing and disillusionment of the public will take a little time to master, but I’m sure you’ve got what it takes.

But first you must catch your Laughing Smiling Face.

I wish you luck.

Ps. I want half the profits.


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